Ramblings of an Overworked Grad Student

Title: A Love Story Told In Reverse, written for the 2010 deancasbigbang
Author: notragicmercury
Genre: Post Season 5 AU
Pairing(s): Dean/Castiel (also Dean/Lisa, Dean/Cassie, Castiel/OMC, mentions Sam/Jess).
Rating: R
Word Count: ~35,000
Warnings: Spoilers for Season 5. Allusions to abuse and mental disorders.

Artist: lizfu
Art link: Art Masterlist

Summary: Dean grew up with a mother who loved him, a father who misunderstood him and a brother who worshiped him. Yet he remembered another life, one lived on the road, hunted by angels and demons alike. Plagued by false memories and familiar faces, Dean left home to try and make a life for himself. A chance meeting with a man who lives a world apart leads Dean to realize that a single action, no matter how miraculous, can't change the course of fate. It won't stop him from trying, though.



Author's Note: I have to thank fleshlycherry and Draoldan for all of their help throughout the writing process. Neither of them are Dean/Cas fans, particularly, and yet they put up with me constantly asking for opinions, and the constant read throughs. They helped me hammer down plot, improve my writing, and always asked “Why?” when I said “Because.” I don’t think I would have finished without their help.

Next, I have to thank dossier, who beta'd this after the fact, when I learned that scientists make terrible betas. Apparently we can't correct each other's work to save our lives, so dossier was a bit of a life saver there.

I also want to thank lizfu for the amazing artwork. Don’t forget to check it out and leave comments.




Prologue | Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Epilogue

PDF file to follow

Soundtrack

This week has effectively been a washout for lab work, so I decided to post memes.

This one was taken from temporalranger

Using only song names from ONE ARTIST, answer these questions. You can't use the band I used. Try not to repeat a song title. It's a lot harder than you think! Repost as "my life according to (band name)."

Are you a male or female: Anne Braden
Describe yourself: Stand Up
How do you feel: We Are Winning
Describe where you currently live: Cracks In The Surface
If you could go anywhere, where would you go: Defend Atlantis
Your favorite form of transportation: Airplane Mode
Your best friend is: Never Had It
Your fear: Mayday!
What is the best advice you have to give: Fight With Tools
Thought for the Day: Rise
How would you like to die: Superhero

And:

Day 19 - A pairing you've rooted for since the beginning?

I actually really loved Kaelin and Richard from the Sword of Truth/Legend of the Seeker series (books/TV). Half the reason why I kept reading the books was so that I could see if they ever got married.

Day 20 - The "can't stand the sexual tension anymore" pairing?

I'll say Dean/Cas, because of the staring and the personal space.

Day 21 - A pairing you like and no one else understands why?

I'll go broad with this one and say I have a thing for cross-generational slash. I used to read/write Harry/Snape and Harry/Lucius back when I was into HP fandom.

( Remaining Days )

Start with the meme, which I keep forgetting:

( Day 07 - The most heartbreaking scene? )

( Day 08 - The pairing with the most baggage? )

( Remaining days )

It's been such a long time since I've been able to use my go go science! tag. The last three weeks of work before I went on holidays was plagued by badly made common stocks that killed my cells, missing reagents, and the epic stress of grant writing season. I was getting dangerously close to the "I hate science and want to start [insert questionable career of your choice here, I'm thinking guppy breeding]."

That said, this week I've successfully cloned a mutation into one of the isoforms of my protein, and I've successfully detected SUMOylation of both isoforms.

In non-science terms, I've found something that contributes to our understanding of how certain nerve cells work. Ideally, this will shed light on what happens to our brains as we age and in different neurodegenerative diseases.

I've got another three to four years of work to do on this, but it isn't hopless!!!

\o/!

Also, I'm going to go to Cuba next year! It's mostly exciting, because I haven't actually gone anywhere for vacation since I was seventeen. I managed to score an invite for a course in Brazil in April, which was a free trip there (the first time I'd left southern Ontario in six years), but this will be the first for pleasure only trip in a while. bloodredmoon1, aka my awesome British friend, is in to go with me. We're waiting on a few more people, but I'll probably have the trip booked by next week.

On another note, I got feedback from fleshlycherry about by D/C BB. Lots of sections to revise and rework because she calls me on it every time I fall into summarizing/skipping scenes, for being to wordy, and for waving my slash wand and going with the "because I said so" explanation. She didn't call me on my overuse of semicolons

I'm lucky she likes me as much as she does, because she isn't even a D/C shipper.

I've gotten to thinking about my NaNo, though, which is the sequel to the BB. I'm thinking it's going to need more Crowley, and after reading Good Omens, I've decided to go with the fact that it's the same demon. That said, should I include Aziraphale?

I'm also trying to decide if I should include the crossover bit that didn't actually get hinted in the BB. It's also trying to blend in with my syfybigbang, because hey, that's the way my brain works, but I've put my foot down, because it's too ridiculous.

Which leads me to the only not awesome part of my day: What to do my syfy/merlin BB on?

Also, SPN premiere tomorrow! My dad's birthday party was rescheduled for Sunday, so I'll be able to watch the whole thing as it airs! I'm pathetically excited.

All of the positive vibes I'm grooving with right now have translated into helping me shed some of the weight I put on while sick, which is also happy making.

I think I deserve a reward >.>

I was so very pleased with myself on Wednesday when I'd gotten myself to the 15000 word mark for the Big Bang, and I thought meeting the deadline would be easy.

Except that when I mentioned a while ago that my supervisor had a grant up for review, I may have not put the correct emphasis on the urgency of her grants.

Turns out that it's EPIC GRANT WRITING SEASON OF DOOM!!!!1! for all of the primary investigators in my research group, and it comes around every five years. On Wednesday, J sat us all down to discuss the first grant up for review, and put the fear of god into half of the lab. E, the Polish lab tech is swamped because she has to make stable cell lines for one of our protein constructs, she's the only one with access to the mice we use, and she's the resident expert on confocal microscopy in our lab. D, the Chinese lab tech is busy doing activity assays and protein work, and K, the Canadian lab tech is on vacation. Then there's S, the mother of twins who just finished her PhD, who believes she is solely responsible for competing all of the needed experiments o.O

V and I kind of laugh, because V is finished next week, and she's taking a month off to look for housing and a vehicle in Washington (DC), while I'm of the mentality that I'll do the work I have to do, and if it coincides with some fo the stuff J wants, I'll do that too. I'm not going to kill myself trying to get things done, because I've learned from experience that you end up making mistakes and falling behind.

I've got three experiments planned for before my holidays, and I can use them to look at additional proteins, so I'm not going to worry much about it.

On the Big Bang front, I submitted my draft at 11:59 pm (which is funny, even though we had until uh... today at 1pm to get it in). Word count is sitting at ~21,000, plus headers and the outline of the scenes I still need to write.

This weekend I'm going to go back to my parents place, abuse their laundry machines, go shopping at stores I actually like, then go party it up with fleshlycherry, themega5, and ghostj with a night of drinks, dancing, and general good times.

Then I'm going to go back into the lab on Sunday to get ready for a week of manic lab mates and experiments.

On the plus side, B12 supplements and getting back to boot camp seem to be helping. I'm feeling much more awake and functional. I had four productive, if long days in the lab this week. :)

I managed to type out 4,000 words for the BB today. Total is >15,000 words now, so I'm no longer worried about meeting the word count for Friday, and I've finally got Some Dean/Cas interaction, which makes me happy.

The thing is, I found out the other day we only had to break the 20,000 word limit for Friday. So when I said I thought it would be about 25,000 words total... I might have lied, just a little.

Because the thing is, it took me 13,000 words just to get to the part where Dean and Cas meet for the first time. I've still got to develop their relationship, build up the angst, and hit the climax, and I'm not convinced 10,000 words is going to do it justice.

We'll see what happens.

I just hope my beta's are alright with having less than a month to go over things *hint hint*

I may also be drinking beer to channel my inner Dean while I write.

I've been talking a lot to my old university friend M while I've been sick, and it came up that I was writing the BigBang, and he kindly offered to beta/cheerlead for me. This is the conversation we just had:

Me: I'm writing a scene in the middle of the middle. I'm thinking it'll be the turning point in Dean and Cas' relationship, where Dean realizes he might not be entirely straight :)
M: they'd be cute together
Me: I'm torn between them being cute and them being epic, rough and explosive. Castiel can be pretty BAMF.
M: hmmm. couldn't you have a bit of both?
Me: Yeah, but I'm not sure what works best of this part.
M: like when Dean has his realization he wants it slow and cute, then eventually Cas has enough and bam, epic rough sex
Me: That, right there, made my day! But no, doesn't really work for the fic.

I sometimes forget how awesome M can be, which is unfortunate, because I've know him for years. I'm actually going to crash at his place for FanExpo, and I'm surprised with how much I'm looking forward to it.